Dressed to Confess

How long do you have to repeat something for it to become true to you? People always try to infringe upon each other, always butting into each other business and personal lives, but why does it matter to them? Why can't people just leave each other alone? How long can you fake your way through your life? "You're not even paying attention to me!" Whined the most important person in my life, Bianca.

We had met when I moved into the neighborhood at 12 years old, my mother and I were both running from something, Bianca's mother was heavenly to us; she kept my mother sane through the years. At the mere sound of her voice I can feel my smile bloom, there was rarely a time that she didn't delight me. "Hun, you look amazing in both the blue and purple ones; you look tasty enough to eat." She huffs, sticking out her bottom lip and complaining, "You're still not helping me pick!" Her words lost their volume as my eyes automatically went to her lips; such a soft pink so full of moisture, they always looked so soft. "See and now I've lost you again!" I jerk my eyes to her impatiently waiting brown ones, "You haven't lost me darling, my thoughts seem to want to wander however. I'm sorry." A sadness clouds her eyes for the briefest moments; almost too fast to see if you didn't know what you were looking for. But I knew exactly what to look for, for years now it had been far simpler to imagine Bianca's face than my own. It was something she never tired of seeing; long brown hair swept to the side that reached her hips, the softest big brown eyes over a small nose speckled with freckles and the pink full lips with a slight intent along the bottom lip. "Come now, you look beautiful in both lovely." She twirls once more, analytically scanning the image in the mirror with a mix of hateful scorn and sadness. With a sign I go to her, "You will be the envy of the night, I can barely breathe just looking at you now!" Everything stands still as I wait for the self hatred to be washed from her eyes, as her thoughts move to my words and her eyes look like they have life in them again.

I watch as she twirls around, scrutinizing her matching peach dress and heels. I can barely take my eyes off her; I've always been one to appreciate beauty when I have the chance. Without raising her eyes she says, "You know we came here for both of us to shop, not for you to stare at me trying on dresses. If you don't have something to try on in the next fifteen minutes I'm picking something for you and you know you hate that." Her eyes meet mine and almost violently wanted to kiss the smirk off her lips; she always knew how to tease me without taking it too far. "You know I said I wasn't going to go, I don't have a date; I'd just be following you around like a puppy all night aha." Her heels clack as she comes to stand before me, still just barely reaching my eye level. I never could resist the puppy dog eyes I'm now faced with, "okay, okay. I'll try to find something, though you know its hopeless." She smiles at me triumphantly and goes into the change room to change back into her regular clothes. Bianca comes to my rescue two and a half racks later with three dresses already in hand, "this is my favorite and you need to try it on first!" she says as she hands me a long deep red silk dress. I slip into a change room and hold my breath as I slide the soft material over my head, staring at the deformity in the mirror. As I open the door I search Bianca's face as she spots me, "Oh my god you look amazing. That's the dress. That's it you have to come now you can't back out with something so beautiful!" I feel heat crawl up my neck at her compliment but her words don't soothe me. I watch as her eyes continue to rake down my form; I whisper, "you know I'm not going.." I stand before her, the entirety of my shame exposed and she just stares. "Why?" she asks. I barely heard her over the sound of my heart, like a bird begging for flight.
"Because I love you."